The Curse of Castle Tarantula
by SorphonKazuya
Summary: The Beautiful People have fallen on some ugly luck. But everything changes when Velvet Sky finds a map to a haunted castle rumored to have a very hefty treasure inside. They now must survive the castle tenants, and Beer Money, to change their fortunes.
1. Beautiful Chaos

The Beautiful People in THE CURSE OF CASTLE TARANTULA

A TNA Fan Fiction by KiyoneSignatta

(Disclaimer: I don't any of these characters. TNA does. So There.)

Chapter One: Beautiful Chaos

"_I kissed a girl and I liked it – Taste of her cherry chap stick…"_ A vibrant Velvet Sky sang throughout the kitchen of the Mi Pi Sexy Sorority House, as she mixed the batter of a birthday cake she was making for her friend and teammate, Madison Rayne. Smile from ear to ear, she was anxious for the huge party that she and her BFF Angelina Love were about to throw for their partner. It was going to be sick. She had invited every Knockout on the TNA roster…except Tara and Daffney for obvious reasons, and there needed to be enough cake for everyone, so Velvet continued to mix until there was no more lumps left. "Let's see now. 'After mixing the batter, carefully pour into appropriately sized cake pan.' Well, I know Kong will have seven pieces, and Angelina also eats like a NFL lineman at a buffet table. So this thing has gotta be massive…"

"WHAT WAS THAT, VELVET?" Velvet had no idea that Angelina had come back from shopping for party supplies. She heard the comment and threw Velvet in a full nelson. "An NFL lineman at a buffet table, huh? Are you calling me fat? Is that what I'm hearing Velvet Sky?"

"NO! NO I'M NOT! BUT YOU DO EAT LIKE A DAMN TANK, ANGELINA! NOW LET ME GO!" Velvet screamed as Angelina tried to lock the fingers.

Angelina released the hold and Velvet fell to the ground. "Be lucky its Madison's Birthday." She walked over towards the cookbook that Velvet had open and picked up the piece of paper next to and read it. "This is the guest list?"

"Uh, yeah." Velvet said, picking herself off the kitchen floor.

"You invited every knockout in TNA, Velvet?" Angelina asked with a stunned look on her face. "You invited those UGLY beyotches? What is wrong with you?"

"They paid us a minimum of $500 to get in." Velvet said sarcastically. "Christy gave me $750."

"Okay. I guess that's fine." Angelina said. "As long as we get paid…I guess I can deal with the rest of the _knockouts_ for one day."

"I didn't invite ALL the knockouts." Velvet said. "Tara's not coming and Daffney isn't either. Neither one is worthy of gracing the Mi Pi Sexy Sorority house."

"I taught you well, my young padawan." Angelina said, putting her hands together. "At least you didn't invite the ugliest of the ugly. So what kind of cake is it going to be?"

"I can't tell you!" Velvet exclaimed. "How do I know you won't run and tell Madison?"

"Hell-lo!" Angelina said, snapping her fingers. "You forget who you're talking to? I won't tell Madison anything. Promise."

"It's gonna be a marble cake." Velvet said. "The most beautiful cake in the whole world." She then picks up a figurine of Madison. "Its even gonna a little Madison on the top."

"So thoughtful of you, Vel-Vel." Angelina said, smiling.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that…" Velvet said, staring a hole through Angelina.

Angelina walked out of the room and scoffed. "Well…"

As Angelina kept on walking, Velvet continued to create her cake. "Now that she's gone, maybe I can finish. So where was I? 'An appropriately sized cake pan.' All the knockouts except Tara and Daffney. That's twelve people including Angelina and Madison…factor in the fact that Angelina will have more than one piece. I better get the biggest cake pan we have." So she grabs a huge cake pan and slowly poured the batter into the pan. As Velvet pours, she starts singing again. "_I kissed a girl just to try it – I hope my boyfriend don't mind it…"_ After the batter was in the pan, she danced her way over to the stove, already set to 500 degrees, and slid the first cake inside. She shut the door and danced her way out in the main hallway where Angelina was putting up the second half of a huge banner reading "HAPPY BIRTHDAY MADISON." She looked up and smiled. "You need any help, Angelina?"

"No. I'm almost done here." Angelina started out, busy trying the hang the sign. "But you can hand me some nails."

"Sure thing, Angelina." Velvet said, bending over to get the nails. Angelina was staring long and hard. Sure she had a bird's eye view of Velvet's ample backside, but she really had no idea just how ample it was. She tried to refocus as Velvet was getting up and almost lost her footing. Fortunately, she stayed on the ladder. "Were you looking at my ass again, Angelina?"

"N..No?!" Angelina said, stuttering. "Why would I do something like that?"

"Right, Angelina." Velvet said, licking her lips. "Here's your nails."

"Thanks." Angelina started hammering the banner over the fireplace. "Hey, Velvet. You think Madison will like all of this? She hasn't said two words since she was accepted into The Beautiful People."

"I think she will, Angelina." Velvet said. "Even if she doesn't this will be the party of the century! No one throws a party like Mi Pi Sexy!"

"Uh, Velvet…" Angelina cut in. "…you smell something?"

"Uh, yeah!" Velvet said. "The stench is probably coming from Storm's Bar! I can smell those beer swilling losers from here. I can't believe that they'd allow that much UGLY near The Beautiful People!"

"No, Velvet. I'm not kidding this time." Angelina said in wonder. "I smell something. It smells like something's burning. What did you put that cake on?"

"500. Why?" Velvet replied.

"VELVET, YOU GODDAMN IDIOT!" Angelina shouted. "MADISON'S CAKE IS BURNING! GET IT OUT OF THE DAMN STOVE!"

Velvet and Angelina ran into the kitchen only to see the stove completely on fire. The cake had turned into flambé, engulfing the stove in a wall of flames. Angelina ran to the pantry to get the fire extinguisher as Velvet tried went for a bucket of water. But she realized that after she filled the bucket, the whole kitchen would be on fire. So she filled a pot up and tried dousing the flames, but it only made it worse. The flames reached the lights of the stove.

"OH, DAMMIT!" Velvet said in udder shock. "ANGELINA! HURRY UP WITH THAT EXITINGUSHIER!"

"HOLD ON, VELVET!" Angelina said from the pantry. She was tossing everything around the pantry until she found it hidden in a cupboard. Angelina grabbed it and ran back to the kitchen. Velvet was still trying to douse the flames with water, making the flames shoot up higher. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"

"TRYING TO GET RID OF THIS FIRE!!!" Velvet shouted back.

"GET OUT OF THE WAY!" Angelina snapped at Velvet, pointing the extinguisher right at the wall of fire. "TAKE THIS, YOU UGLY FIRE!!!"

Angelina turned the extinguisher on at full blast, hoping to fan the flames and clear out the kitchen. Shouting out her loudest war cry, she relentlessly sprayed the flames to die down. The flames shot up as high as they could and a fire ball came from out of nowhere. Angelina and Velvet screamed as they took cover. The fire ball hit the back wall and spread flames through every part of the kitchen until everything was burning.

"This is bad, Angelina…" Velvet said nervously. "Water didn't work. The extinguisher didn't work. Fire is spreading throughout the kitchen, and pretty soon the house. What do we do?"

"The only thing we haven't tried yet." Angelina started out. "RUN!!!"

The Beautiful People ran as fast as they could toward the front door while flames were engulfing every square inch of the Mi Pi Sexy Sorority House. The fire spread from the kitchen into the living area, where all of Madison's presents were. It was a mad chase because everywhere Angelina and Velvet tried to escape, the fire followed. They finally got to the front door and stood there for a couple seconds. They both charged it in a frenzy trying to get out as the fire was hot on their tails. Velvet knocked the door off the hinges and Angelina tackled Velvet on the way out. When they came to, they looked up to see their beloved house engulfed in a bed of flames. Angelina and Velvet were crying as they watched the carnage. Angelina looked square at Velvet with tears in her eyes.

"So how are you going to fix this?" Angelina snapped.

"Me?" Velvet asked in shock.

"Uh, yeah you. You're the one that burned the fuckin' house down." Angelina retorted.

"I don't know." Velvet said. "I'll think of something."

"You better." Angelina said, crying. "…bitch."

Angelina walked off towards the city with Velvet in tow. Party ruined and nowhere to go, The Beautiful People now have to think just how they would find another place to house the Mi Pi Sexy Sorority…and to throw Madison Rayne's birthday party. It seemed like the end of Mi Pi Sexy as we know it, but they aren't the only ones with a problem on their hands…


	2. Under New Management?

Chapter Two: Under New Management?

Not too far away from what was The Mi Pi Sexy Sorority House, Tennessee Cowboy James Storm was in a heated battle of his own. He was trying everything not to sell his bar to Knockout Law Traci Brooks. Thanks to the arrival of Sarita's new Dos Cervazas Por Favor Tavern, Storm's Bar and Grill hasn't been getting that many customers. Traci promised him that he can keep half of the profits. But his Beer Money tag team partner Robert Roode, who knows her better than anyone, is trying to tell him that this is all a scam to put Beer Money, Inc. out of business.

"How many times do I have to tell you?" Storm started out. "Hell no!"

"So you want Sarita to put you out of business?" Traci asked with a half-concerned look on her face. "Your only hope is to sell me your bar and I'll get this place booming again."

Storm looked Traci dead in her eyes. "Read my lips, Brooks. N…O."

Then Roode stepped in Traci's face. "So what are you really after…Traci? Do you really want this bar to compete with Dos Cervezas? Or do you looking to cripple Beer Money?"

"Cripple Beer Money, Inc.?" Traci asked with a shocked look on her face. "Now why would I want to do something like that? You see, that's the heartless actions and accusations that made me leave Robert Roode, Inc. in the first place. Now you're accusing me of trying to get revenge. If that were my intention, I would bring it right to your face!"

"Because that's how the Main Event Mafia does things. Right?" Storm snapped back. "Kiss my ass, Traci!"

"You're making a fatal mistake, Cowboy." Traci said, tapping her foot.

Beer Money was getting sick of Traci's nagging, so they had to come up with something to make her leave. They looked at each other and got down in huddle.

"She's not giving up, Bobby." Storm whispered to his partner.

"Traci Brooks will never give up without a fight." Roode whispered back. "In her mind, this bar is hers. We need to come up with something that she will never expect."

"How good is she at cards?" Storm asked.

"Not very good at all." Roode answered back.

"There's our answer." Storm said. "I'll win and she has to leave us alone."

"For your sake…and for the sake of this bar, I hope this damn plan works." Roode said.

The broke the huddle and once again face an overconfident Traci Brooks. They both had sinister smiles on their faces. Roode scratched his dark beard as Storm pointed at the knockout.

"Alright, Traci." Storm started out. "I'll make a little wager with your ass. We play Texas Hold 'Em. One hand. You win, you get my bar. But I win, you leave Beer Money THE HELL ALONE! Got it?"

"As you wish." Traci said smiling. "Your happy hour is at 5:00, right? Then we do it then, with all your bar buddies watching. They will see the last of Storm's Bar and Grill. And after I take over, I will put Sarita under!"

"You wish, you she-beast." Roode said.

"You shut your fucking face!" Traci shouted. "No one's talking to your sorry ass! As for you Cowboy, I'll see you again at five. Be ready to lose your beloved bar, Storm!"

"In your dreams, ya damn harlot!" Storm shouted as Traci walked out of the bar, sticking up both of her middle fingers. He started to clean off his bar and looked up at Roode who was shaking his head. "You believe that? That goddamned Traci! If she ever…"

"Cowboy! Cowboy, calm down." Roode said. "You got her right where you want her. You'll destroy her in Poker. Especially in a single hand of Texas Hold 'Em. Traci doesn't know how to play Go Fish, let alone Poker. You've got this. You're gonna kick that skank's ass!"

"I'm not worried about beating Traci!" Storm said. "I'm worried about what Traci said, man. Did Sarita open up a bar to compete with me?"

"I really don't think so." Roode said. "Knowing Traci, she'll say anything to get what she wants."

"Sounds like Scarylina Love." Storm said, laughing.

"At least Scarylina doesn't want your damn bar!" Roode retorted.

"You have a point there." Storm said, scratching his beard again.

"Don't worry, man." Roode said. "Beat Traci's ass and she'll leave us alone."

"HA!" A voice said from the other end of the bar. "You underestimate the power of the Traci."

"Shut up, Shantelle!" Storm shouted to the blonde at that end of the bar. "Besides, how much beer are you going to put on your damn tab anyways?"

There sat none other than Taylor Wilde with a bottle of Labatt Blue. She took a sip, slammed the bottle down and looked in Storm's direction. "I keep on telling you, Cowboy. I have no tab. But you had better listen to Bobby Roode about Ms. Brooks. She's been trying to shut this place down for years. Now that she's a part of the Main Event Mafia, her drive to own this bar has become a lot worse."

"How do you know all of this, Shantelle?" Storm asked.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me Shantelle around certain people, Storm?" Taylor retorted.

"Sorry…Taylor." Storm said, reluctantly.

"Thank you." Taylor said, picking her beer up again. "Now to answer your question, I've been hanging around Shelley and Sabin's pad a lot and I heard them talking about various stuff. Kurt Angle sighted at a Demi Lovato concert, Sting going back to the dark side, The Mi Pi Sexy Sorority House catching fire, Christy in the World Air Guitar Championships…"

"WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WAIT A MINUTE THERE, SHANTELLE!" Beer Money said with conviction.

"Did you just say The Beautiful People set their own house on fire?" Roode asked.

"Please tell me they did!" Storm shouted out. "That will knock those bimbos down a few pegs!"

"Word on the street is that Velvet Sky was attempting to cook." Taylor said with a sick smile on her face.

Beer Money starts laughing their asses off as Taylor continued to tell them what she heard about the last minutes of Angelina and Velvet's beloved sorority hosue. Then she starts telling them Velvet's past endeavors with the art of cooking.

"What the hell was Scarylina thinking, letting Polyester Sky cook?" Storm said. "Goddamn, if I were in Angelina's shoes, I wouldn't let Velvet near a stove! EVER!"

"Don't take this Beautiful People thing too far guys." Taylor warned them. "You know how the Guns like to make up stuff. But back to business. I heard them talking about Traci as well."

"Anything about the bar, Taylor?" Roode asked.

"Oh, a lot about this bar." Taylor continued on. "She even told them that she was going to scare you by telling you that Sarita was opening up a bar near city limits or something like that. Truth is Sarita's opening up a hair salon downtown."

"Why that damn…" Storm said, almost jumping the bar.

"Don't worry, though." Roode said. "You're totally trash her in the hand of poker you're playing against her in an hour.

"I wouldn't be so sure." Taylor said. "Believe it or not, Traci is an awesome poker player, especially if you're playing Guts. One time, she took all of Samoa Joe's chips in a matter of three hands of Guts."

"So I still stand a chance. This is Hold 'Em. I'll crush Traci." Storm said.

"I really like your confidence, James. But watch out for Traci's tell." Taylor warned him.

"Don't worry about this." Storm retorted. "I'll beat that harlot out her boots!"

"Keep on telling yourself that, Storm." Taylor said, sipping her beer again. "A lot can happen in one hand…especially playing Traci Brooks. Watch yourself. If you get overconfident, Beer Money will end up like The Beautiful People."

It was a lot to comprehend, but Beer Money continued about their business, poured out some Tequila and started taking shots. Taylor just shook her head as she watched the overconfident duo drink to their certain victory. An hour passes and more customers show up, along with Showtime Eric Young, Lethal Consequences and Matt Morgan. All had heard about the one hand of poker with Storm's Bar and Grill on the line. Afraid they're gonna lose their favorite post-match hang out site, Everyone is trying to talk Storm out of this hand.

"This is stupid, James." EY said. "You and I have been drinking beer here for years. You lose this hand to Traci, god knows what she's gonna turn this bar into!"

"I can see it now. Traci's Margarita Bar." Morgan said.

"…or Traci's Beauty Parlor." Creed added on. "Imagine all the prissy coming into what was your bar?"

"What's with all the negative talk?" Storm asked. "I will kick Traci's ass! It's eminent seeing as that she's not here yet. She said five o'clock and she's not here. She's scared I tell you. Scared!"

"Not as scared as you think, man. Look." Morgan said, pointing towards the door.

All eyes were fixated on the entrance way. As she promised, Traci Brooks came back dressed to hospitalize, wearing the tightest black leather top and matching leather mini-skirt and black leather boots. She had a deck of cards in her hand and lollipop in her mouth. Most of the men in the bar fell out of their seats. Other's noses started bleeding from all the fan service Traci was showing. She approached the bar by shoving Jay Lethal and Taylor Wide aside so she could get a good look at James Storm. Roode just shook his head and Storm was fixated on her eyes.

"You're afraid." Traci said with an evil smile. "You know don't you. You know that these are the last hours of Storm's Bar and Grill."

"Go ahead, Traci. Make my day." Storm said in his best Clint Eastwood voice.

"Beat her ass so she'll go the hell home!" Roode shouted.

"No one wants you here, Traci!" Taylor added on.

"You'd better get used to me." Traci said. "Beer Money won't be here much longer."

"Deal the damn cards, Traci!" Creed shouted. "Get that ass aired out like a woman!"

"Fine. I will." Traci said, bending over dealing the cards out. "Like YOU said, Storm. One hand of Texas Hold Em Poker. You win, I will go on my merry way and leave you, Bobby and this bar alone. But if I win, I get the deed to Storm's Bar and Grill…and I get to sell it for however much I want and to whomever I want. Ready?"

Taylor grabbed Storm's hand before he picked up his cards. "Watch yourself."

"Shut up, Shantelle!" Storm said. "I've got this."

"Don't say I didn't warn you…" Taylor said, walking away from the bar.

Traci handed the cards to EY and fixated her glare back on the Tennessee Cowboy. Showtime then looked at both of them.

"You know what this is for." EY said. "James, you have the deed to the bar?"

"Right here." Storm said, pulling out the deed.

"This is a mistake, man." Lethal said, shaking his head.

"Don't ride him off, Jay." Roode said. "He's gonna win."

EY then held up the deed. "This is for ownership of Storm's Bar and Grill. One hand of Texas Hold 'Em between Traci Brooks and James Storm. The person with the better hand gets this deed to the bar. Traci, are you ready?"

"Born ready." Traci said.

"Cowboy James Storm, are you ready?" EY asked.

"Let's do it!" Storm shouted back.

"Pick up your cards!" EY said.

Storm and Traci pick up their cards. Storm had the Ace of Hearts and the Ace of Diamonds. Traci had the Queen of Spades and Jack of Spades. Both were confident that they could win with the cards they had, so the both checked. EY flopped the cards. Up came the Ace of Clubs, the King of Spades and the Ten of Spades. Storm immediately got happy while Traci put her head in her hands. With it being Traci's turn, she thought about it for a second, but she checked.

"This would be the part where I would try to get you to go all in." Traci said. "But seeing as that you're already sorta all in, I think I'll check."

"I think she has crap." Creed said. "Check it."

"I know she has crap." Storm overconfidently said. "And I will check."

With them both checking, EY turns over the Deuce of Clubs. Storm, getting excited, checks down. He was praying that the river was the Ace of Spades. It would give him four aces. Secretly, so was Traci. It would give her a Royal Flush and Storm's Bar and Grill. Traci thinks about it again and checks. EY goes to turn the river card. Sure enough, it's the Ace of Spades.

"HA! You're done, Brooks!" Storm shouts out while checking.

Traci says nothing. She thinks about it long and hard.

"Are you gonna fold that crap that you have in your hand or what…_TRACI!_" Roode said, just as confident as Storm.

Traci finally checks and Storm, Roode, Lethal and Creed start to smile from ear to ear.

"Eat this, Traci!" Storm said, throwing out his hand. "Get the hell out of MY bar!"

"Four Aces." Traci started out. "You have a great hand there, Storm. But I need you to do me a favor." Traci then throws out her Royal Flush. "Hand me the deed to your bar, please."

"DAMMIT!!!!" Storm yelled in udder disgust, as EY handed the deed to Traci.

"Don't worry though." Traci said.

"DON'T WORRY?" Roode snapped. "ALL YOU WANT IS TO PUT…"

"Not the case at all, Bobby." Traci said. "I'm gonna let James keep the bar…for $500,000."

"FIVE HUNDRED…" Storm started to shout out.

"You have a week." Traci said starting to walk out the door. "After that, I can do what I want with it…or sell it to whomever I choose. You never know, ANGELINA would LOVE to buy this place after what happened to her sorority house…"

"You wouldn't…" Storm said, scared out of his wits.

"One week…" Traci said, exiting the bar.

Storm started to bang his head on the bar as all Roode and the other compatrons could do was watch in shock and wait to see if he could come up with $500,000 by the end of the week. As the reality set in, Roode walked over to his partner.

"I have $500,000 stashed away near the Mi Pi Sexy Sorority House." Roode said. "If it really IS burned down, I can go over there and pay Traci with that."

"SWEET!" Storm said.

Just as Beer Money had figured out a plan, Traci walked back into the bar. "Just so you know, I won't accept any money from Robert Roode, or anyone associated with Robert Roode, Inc." Traci said. "Sorry 'bout your damn luck, Storm!"

"DAMN YOU, TRACI BROOKS!!!" Storm shouted as he threw a beer bottle at her.

"Now what?" EY said. "Without this bar, there's no place that we can hang out and have a cold beer…especially if she sells to who I think she's gonna sell to?"

"I guess I have a week." Storm said. "I'll think of something."

"No." Roode said. "WE'LL think of something. What, I don't know…"

A somber mood hung over Storm's Bar and Grill after the Cowboy's defeat to Traci Brooks. Now with a week to come up with $500,000, Beer Money has to do some serious scrambling or else Traci will turn their beloved bar into god knows what. Little do they know that their damn luck is about to change…


End file.
